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In honor of ”Black Friday”, I am reposting something I wrote a couple of years ago. I think of these stories every time Black Friday rolls around and they always bring a smile to my face. . Now with three small children, and access to Amazon and nearly all the retail world online, I don’t hit too many of the Black Friday sales anymore. And, to be honest, “Black Friday isn’t really what it used to be, especially when you see all the stores starting earlier and earlier each year. Plus, a lot of places offer just as many “deals” or fre-bee’s online now. Case in point, a couple of years ago, I drug Jesse out early and for the whole day looking for a few specific things. We hit several stores but came home empty handed. Upon getting home, he jumped on Amazon and within 20 minutes had purchased everything we couldn’t find that day. Even though we may not hit the stores anymore though, we do both now enjoy getting online early and watching all the “cyber deals. Once our shopping is done, we head out for lunch and a movie now which is a bit more fun. So, without further adue, here are two funny blindness related Black Friday stories. Enjoy!

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I will admit I am one of those “crazy” people who love shopping on “Black Friday.” I find the crowds and the stores around this time exillerating, love the rush of feeling like I’m getting some great bargains, collecting the free -give-aways, and let’s face it…just having an excuse to go shopping never hurts either. So, when “Black Friday” rolled around this past weekend, I was begging my husband to join me in the madness. I know my husband loves me, especially since the two things he literally hates most in this world are shopping and crowds. (I did also have to promise to watch an entire football game with him in return).

You might not realize it, but being blind does add a little bit of a challenge-or at least requires a little bit of creativity-to the whole “Black Friday” shopping experience. For example, arriving at a store around 4 a.m. is a bit of a challenge when public transportation doesn’t usually run that early. Then there is the whole aspect of not having a trunk or car to put all the great finds you find in so that you can continue shopping. Plus, if you want to hit multiple stores and aren’t going to a mall or something, it’s a little bit trickier to manage your time with public transportation or cabs so that you don’t cut into the shopping time too much. Maybe some blind individuals out there are fortunate to have a sighted friend or family member who is as insane as they are, but in my experience, these individuals are few and far between, or not around because it’s the holiday. AS result, I’ve had to learn some different ways of getting the job done.

 

This first story was probably my biggest, longest, and most expensive trip, but definitely one of the most fun and one that will live on as a legend in the “Black Friday” Hall of Fame. It was the year I moved to Baltimore (2005). My friend who is also blind and a die-hard shopper and I decided to hit the stores really early and make a day of it. I took the bus across town to where she and her husband live sometime around 5:30 or 6 that morning. WE then took a cab another fifteen or twenty minutes to the mall out in the county (both she and her husband are blind too.). We made it to the mall by about 7 a.m. I remember we were at the mall and ate breakfast in the food court at the only place that was crazy and brilliant enough ot be open that early capitalizing on the crowds. We then spent the bulk of the morning hitting various shops. AS you might expect, we began to acquire a lot of bags. most people would have taken their bags to the car, but this wasn’t an option for us, so we started asking the clerks if we could stash our bags behind the counter while we shopped. This worked great! After a few hours at the mall, we decided to leave there and walk up the street to the Pier 1 Imports store. WE had each been in Baltimore for only a few months, so we were still “setting up house” so we figured this was a great way to get some home furnishings. So, there we were, the three of us loaded up with shopping bags, bundled in our coats, and walking along the street with our canes. It turned out to be a little more of a hike (uphill about four blocks) to the Pier 1 Imports store than we anticipated, not to mention extremely cold, and we were carrying some heavy and awkward bags to boot. My friend, trying to lighten the situation, started talking about how we should write a story about our experience and said something like, “You have to be tough to be blind “,and how sighted shoppers were light weights. She then said she wished we had a shopping cart that could at least be helpful in carrying our bags. Remember she is blind or this next part won’t be as funny. I’m seriously not kidding, but moments after she said this, we discovered a stray shopping cart on the side of the side walk (we learned months later that there was a grocery store across the street). It was like a little humorous answer to prayers. WE all broke out laughing hysterically and loaded up our bags into the cart. WE then proceeded up the hill to the Pier 1 Imports store. We ended up coming in through an upstairs back entrance shared by another business with Pier 1 which saw little traffic. The main store entrance was downstairs on another street level. I think we actually took the cart inside and unloaded our bags and then left it outside that entrance, but I honestly don’t remember. Maybe we left it in the foyer? WE then hauled our bags downstairs to the store. , Once again, the clerks let us stash our stash behind the counter there too. Several hours later (literally), my friend, her husband, and I sat outside of the store entrance with this huge pile of stuff waiting for our cab. The contents of our pile included two area rugs, three lamps, several throw pillows, a couch cover, small end table, and some bags of other odds and ends, not to mention about four consolidated bags each from the mall. WE were met with exclamations of “Awesome!”, or “Now that’s how you shop!” and even some applause as we waited outside the store entrance for our cab.

I don’t know how we ever managed to get everything into the cab. Luckily it was a driver we’d used a lot and who liked us. Otherwise, I don’t think he would have wasted his time trying to pack the cab and take us home. We even convinced him to stop off at Wendy’s for dinner with us (we treated him to some as well.) He then drove all of us home which was about another forty-five minutes by the time he dropped me off from where we had been shopping. I think he even gave me a little discount as he spilled coffee on my area rug. (Thankfully it came out.) WE laughed for weeks about this trip and still brag about it today.

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The next story took place a year later. This time, we decided we wanted to hit up an outlet mall in Hagerstown, MD which is about an hour and a half from Baltimore. WE also wanted to get there early in the morning of course to get all the early-bird specials. We toyed with going at midnight, but decided a good night’s sleep would do us good after a long Thanksgiving Day. So, these same two friends, plus one more all stayed over at my house on Thanksgiving night. WE called up a cab driver friend and asked him what he would charge to drive the four of us to the outlet mall. WE worked out a deal, arranged for him to pick us up at 5:30 a.m., and agreed to split the cost between the four of us. WE also determined we would take the Greyhound bus back that evening when we were finished as it would be a little cheaper and not lock us into a time with the cab driver. (My second and last time ever taking Greyhound!) This time though, we were prepared with our own “trunks” (a.k.a.rolling suitcases) wherein we could put our shopping bags and make transporting our finds a bit easier. The shopping was great and I remember getting a lot of really good deals on some gifts for family members, clothes, and a couple of free-bees along the way. WE again stashed our suitcases behind counters as we shopped and prided ourselves on our ingenuity in thinking of bringing the suitcases along this time—a practice we used on subsequent shopping trips. the real “adventure” started after the shopping. Late that afternoon, we began the trek to the Greyhound bus station. It was about a mile from the outlet mall and required us to walk along the unpaved shoulder of this really busy frontage road to get to it. The bus stop was also on the opposite side of the road, which wasn’t that big of a deal except that the only place to cross was this really crazy-designed intersection with tons of traffic going through it. Think of the visual we must have made with all four of us tapping along with our long white canes, rolling suitcases in toe. . A half hour later, with sore arms and ringing ears, we found ourselves standing in a small bus depot, easily passable for something straight out of Mayberry, except less clean, and were met with the disappointing news that our bus had been delayed. So, we had no choice but to hang out and wait. At one point we had to wait outside for some reason. There was an individual loitering outside the bus station who I am pretty sure converted the outdoors into his own restroom facilities while we were waiting outside thus making the air “Not so fresh.” In the end, the bus ended up being something like two hours late by the time it rolled into the station. WE anxiously boarded the bus only to sit there for another forty-five mins. Or so. When we first got on the bus, we heard some commotion in the back about someone stinking and another passenger not wanting to sit next to them. About ten minutes later (all this was taking place while the driver was loading up and doing paperwork) the bus started to wreak of Ax cologne, (this really disgusting, cheap cologne). Apparently stinky man from the station had been sprayed by another passenger with the cologne to cover up his smell. When the driver got on the bus to leave, she immediately started freaking out and protesting that she couldn’t leave until the bus had aired out because she had terrible asthma. So, we waited, and waited.

I was never so glad to get back to Baltimore as I was when we rolled into the Greyhound station at 10:30 that night. I caught a cab home and vowed I’d never take the Greyhound again. Now that I look back on that night, I realize how naive I was traipsing around the ghetto in Baltimore on a greyhound bus! (Don’t think my mom ever knew about that one and it’s probably just as well.

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Well, this brings me to the end of my “Black Friday” reminiscing, at least the funny blindness-related ones. I hope you’ve found some of our tales amusing and even a little helpful. The bottom line is that being blind doesn’t mean you can’t do all the same things others do. We just have to find another way to work things out. Remember, when God closes a door, he provides a shopping cart. And, lastly, just remember, you’ve gotta be tough to be blind because only the strong survive.

 

 

 

hPhoto caption: K at Constitution Hall inside the chambers where the Declaration of Independence was signed.

One of the great things about living on the east coast is how close you are to so many amazing places. Jesse and I are trying to take advantage of this more, so this fall, we planned a semi-spontaneous long weekend trip to Philadelphia. This is the second part of my post. You can read the first part from last week here.

 

We spent a large part of our second day at Independence Mall where we were able to see the Liberty Bell and tour Independence Hall where the Constitution was signed. Experiencing these things was a bit of a sacred experience for me. We have so many freedoms that we take for granted, and so many people sacrificed so much for our liberties. It’s hard to put those feelings into words. Our experience at the Liberty Bell was also quite unique. Because we are blind, the park rangers let us actually go up and touch the bell. Otherwise, people just view it from behind a rope. This was quite special for us to actually handel a significant piece of history. Our kids got to touch it as well, and while they are too young to really appreciate the significance of this, I’m grateful for the story they’ll have to remember. Usually we don’t like to take special treatment like this, but I was willing to make the exception in this case.

Later that night, we once again implemented our structured discovery skills and found our way to the new LDS temple in Philadelphia. Unfortunately, it closed for cleaning two days earlier. I had hoped to go to a temple session while we were there, but walking around the grounds and visiting it was still nice. Again, I’m grateful to share special places like this with my children.

Photo Captions Pic 1: LDS Philadelphia Temple

 

 

 

Photo Captions Pic 2: Hartle Family outside East doors of LDS Philadelphia temple

We got a little turned around going back to our hotel as we took a different way since the way we walked wasn’t very pedestrian friendly, and our four-year-old finally had a major meltdown from the long walks and almost gave up to fall asleep on the sidewalk. (WE kind of over did the long days and long walks even though we broke it up a lot.) But, with a piggy back from Daddy, he managed to get his second wind. Bonus points again to Jesse as it’s hard to hold onto a child on your back and use your cane at the same time. WE clocked a lot of steps that day.

We decided to take the Big Bus tour around the city on our last day. This was a double-decker open roof bus. There are several stops and you can jump on and off at various locations. WE sat up on the top and thankfully, no tree branches hit us as the guide warned us may happen. WE decided to get off at the Philadelphia Museum of Art (a.k.a. the building used in the Rocky training montage where he runs up the stairs.) And yes, we did the Rocky Run. I took some video of Jesse and the kids running it. I did as well, and I’ll just say, going up was a lot easier than coming down. Thank you cane!

Photo Caption: J, K, and J.J. at the top of the stairs at the Philadelphia Museum of Art (oops, my thumb sort of got in the way of the pic and this is the only still we took there as the rest was video of us going up all those stairs!)

We finally made it home late Saturday night. The Mega bus was late, and we had trouble getting an uber XL home given some misleading uber practices which I’ll save for another post. (I’m boycotting them for a while for this practice.) Oh the joys of transportation! On our way home that night, feeling tired and a little overwhelmed by some of the challenges of the weekend, I asked Jesse if we were crazy to try to tackle things like this. This wasn’t our first time. He laughed and said we probably were but that it was worth it. We both agreed that if we knew how challenging it would be, we probably wouldn’t do it. I sat reflecting on the weekend and other things in our lives and felt really proud of us for sticking it out and continuing to try things like this despite how challenging they may be. Maybe it’s better not knowing sometimes. But, if you don’t try, you miss out on so many great experiences and happy memories. I guess the message I want to convey with posts like this is that you don’t have to let challenges hold you back. We did not take a sighted guide along with us to help us find our way around and look after our children; and while I have some limited vision, it doesn’t help me read street signs, see oncoming cars, read a map, or see anything that is more than three feet away from me. With the right skills, a little bit of confidence, and a willing attitude, anyone can do hard things. So get out there and do them.

 

Okay, so I’m a few days behind, but I’m still working on this. Here are my blindness Gratitude moments for the past few days.

 

Day 8: I’m grateful for bump dot stickers that help make my microwave accessible. It’s the little things, right?

 

Day 9: Today I’m grateful for friends that call and offer rides without solicitation. Often, these come at the most needed times (like when it’s raining, or you’re really late) and are like little tender mercies from above.

 

Day 10: Today we did a lot of back and forth in cars/rides to/from our house to an NFB convention at a local hotel. I’m grateful that my kids are such good passengers and so great at following the little “car loading system” we have.

 

Day 11: I’m grateful for people who work on access technology and universal design which help make things like websites, computers, and phones accessible for the blind.

 

Day 12: I’m thankful for a good friend who assisted us with our photo shoot today. We had family pictures taken this weekend, and after a poor experience last year, it was nice to have another set of eyes to help ensure that we get some good pics this year. A future post coming related to this topic.

 

Day 13: Grateful for friends who see past the blindness and have no concerns about me babysitting their children.

 

Day 14: Grateful for the long white cane. I attended “American Education Week” today at my daughter’s school. Parents are invited to sit in on their child’s class for the morning and observe. My cane helped me navigate around the classroom confidently without fear of tripping over a little chair or stepping on someone sitting on the carpet during one of their rotation times. Maybe a future post in the making with more on my experience. Also, I’m very grateful for my friend who babysat for me and even gave me a ride and dropped J.J. off at preschool. She’s wonderful!

 

Day 15: Grateful for the technique of putting bells on my children when they are young. We lost J.J.’s bells this summer on our trip to Disney World, but he’s a lot older now and at an age where he doesn’t really need to wear them. He transitioned out of them right around the time B started needing them, but I haven’t found a good set yet. So, I just use twist-ties and craft bells. These break off often though. . I just put some new ones on B’s shoes and it is so helpful. I’d been managing for a few days without them and have really missed the bells. Now if I could just get him to leave his shoes on!

 

Day 16: Grateful for friends that are okay with picking up my children for playdates. We did a playdate exchange last week at our house, and today was my son’s turn to go to his friend’s house. Rather than me dropping him off in a lift or uber, my friend volunteered to pick him up and take him back to her house without me even asking. She too is such a wonderful friend that I’ve known for years and totally has no hang ups with the blindness.

 

One of the great things about living on the east coast is how close you are to so many amazing places. Jesse and I are trying to take advantage of this more, so this fall, we planned a semi-spontaneous long weekend trip to Philadelphia. (It’s a little hard to be spontaneous when you have three small children and can’t just jump in your car, but we do the best we can.) Anyway, it was a really fun weekend and we are looking forward to going to Philadelphia again sometime soon as there is so much to see and do there, not to mention, it’s so close for us. I decided to break this up into two posts. I share a lot of the strategies we use for traveling with our kids, along with highlights of our trip, so it ended up being a little longer than I’d planned. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it.

About a month before our trip, we reserved a hotel room, bought ourselves five tickets on the Mega Bus, and made a plan.

For those of you who may not be familiar, the Mega bus is like Greyhound, except MUCH better, cleaner, nicer, and more reliable. I took the grey hound twice in my life and that was enough. Never again. The Mega Bus also only travels to more touristy cities like Boston and New York, etc., so kind of in a different camp than Greyhound. Anyway, we pulled K out of school and J took the day off of work so that we could have an extended weekend. We set out early Thursday morning and took a Lyft ride from our house to the mall where the Mega Bus picks up. When the bus arrived, we lugged our three kids, three car seats, one small suitcase, and two backpacks onto the bus. The ride is only about an hour and fifteen minutes from our house to the heart of Philadelphia. I highly recommend this for those of you who’d rather not deal with traffic or tolls.

It was a beautiful day and we were all excited. All was going smoothing and as planned. About a half hour into our trip, however, things took a turn. B (our one-year-old) who ended up sitting in my lap, had just finished a bottle and was trying to climb up the back of the seat in front of me. Out of the blue, he suddenly threw up all over himself and my lap. K who was sitting next to me immediately jumped up and went to the row behind me with Jesse and our other four-year-old son. She has a very weak stomach and is known for her own car sick tendencies. Jesse then switched places with her and began helping me clean things up as best we could. It felt like a very Macgyver-like scenario—trying to clean up the mess with whatever we could find. (Sorry if some of you are too young for that throw-back reference.) We stripped B of his clothes, put them in a zip lock bag from some snacks, and wiped him and me down with nearly an entire package of baby wipes. This next part gets my husband serious brownie points because he then did his best to clean off the seats and wipe up the floor. Thankfully, B and I caught most of the mess on us, so it wasn’t too much. Just a little note to help those of you sighted folks reading this to better appreciate the situation—when you’re blind, one of the nonvisual techniques you use to clean up surfaces is to use your other hand to feel where the mess is and verify that you get it all since you can’t see the spill with your eyes. My weak-stomached husband did a great job and managed to get it all, so well in fact that when we arrived and could do a better job since we were stopped and had the assistance of the driver, there wasn’t really anything to worry about. As if that wasn’t bad enough, about a half hour later, both K and J.J. threw up within a few minutes of each other. Thankfully, they are a little older and can at least give you some warning, so Jesse was able to hold a trash bag open for them and contain the mess better. We were reminded of some valuable lessons we’ve forgotten about travelling with our motion-sick pruned children that day. It’s been awhile since we’ve been on any long car rides with them. After arriving, we informed the driver and asked if he had some cleaning supplies. He rounded up an old towel from some other driver at the stop and had a bottle of disinfectant spray. He and I then sprayed down the floor and seats as best we could. The driver seemed very impressed that we even told him what had happened, let alone offered to clean it up. He said that happens all the time and that mostly people just get off and don’t tell anyone about the mess. Go us for being good doers!

After getting off the bus, we walked over to Union Station for a bathroom break and to clean up better. We then got some walking directions from a station attendant and started out for our hotel. It was a beautiful day and we decided to save ourselves a little bit of money on a ride as we’d have to pay for a larger vehicle to hold all of us. So, since the hotel didn’t seem too far away, we decided to walk. (Anything that you can walk to within 15-20 mins. For us seems reasonable. ) I pulled the Sit n’ Stroll car seat (it has wheels and can be used like a stroller) while carrying B on my back in the Ergo. J.J held my hand while K held Jesse’s hand. We then stacked the two booster seats in the Sit n’ Stroll, and Jesse pulled our suitcase. (We only brought one small suitcase with all our things.) We’ve kind of master this way of traveling with suitcases, kids, and car seats over the last couple of years. Since Jesse and I also use canes, and we were pulling something behind us, the kids hold our hands by holding the hand not using the cane by the fingers. We call it “holding pinky hands” and have been doing it with our kids since they started to walk. Since their hands are so small, you can hold their hands tightly with two or three fingers, and if you need to pull them quickly like to avoid harm, you can easily do so or even just drop the item you are pulling. It’s hard to explain, but it works. Our kids also are really good at just staying with us and walking next to us. Thankfully, we’ve never had issues of them darting off into the road, going too far ahead of us, or not wanting to hold hands. I guess it’s just something we instilled in them from an early age.

Our walk turned out to be more like an old drop route travel lesson from my days at the Louisiana Center for the Blind. We were traveling in an unfamiliar city, and yes we did get lost, but we figured things out and eventually made it to our hotel. The problem was that the entrance of the hotel and the physical address didn’t match and the street dead-ended into the convention center, so the roads around it were kind of confusing. Thanks to the GPS on our phones, structured discovery orientation and mobility skills, problem solving abilities, and a LOT of patience, we managed to figure it out. We did ask for directions a few times which was also helpful, but we were staying in a touristy area, so several of the people we asked didn’t know where it was either. Finally about an hour later, we made it to our hotel. Our kids were such troopers! WE checked into our room and took a little R and R from the crazy bus ride and long walk before venturing out again. I want to really point out the value of the good o and m training that Jesse and I had. I am a big supporter of the structured discovery learning method. It not only teaches you skills and how to problem solve in different situations, but it teaches you how to have the confidence to find your way around in an unfamiliar place. Sure, you can say we’re gutsy or brave, and maybe we are a little bit, but the thing is, we don’t let our blindness hold us back. Yes we get lost sometimes, and yes, it’s frustrating, but we figure it out and get where we need to go. Sometimes these challenges even make the whole experience richer. Sometimes you just end up fighting with your spouse. But when you’re lost together, eventually, you have to learn to work together so maybe it’s good marriage therapy too.

Later that afternoon, we ventured over to Reading Terminal Market for lunch, where we browsed some of the local stands and enjoyed some real-deal Philly Cheesesteaks. After, we walked several more blocks to Franklin Square Park where we rode one of the oldest carousels in the country and played mini golf. (No, mini golf isn’t very accessible to the blind so I’ll have to write about this another time and how we’ve tried to play before.) This time it was mostly our kids and their first time playing. We spent the rest of the evening walking along Market Street just taking in the sites of the city and looking for some place fun to eat before calling it a day.

 

To be continued…e

Okay, so it’s November and I know that a popular trend on social media is to state what you’re thankful for each day during the month of November. I decided that this year I’d play along, but with a little bit of a twist. All my posts are going to focus on something I’m thankful for related to blindness. This past year, I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed and often put a lot of pressure on myself and feel like I’m very inadequate. Blindness plays a big part of this because I feel like it often presents a lot of extra challenges. Sometimes simple tasks seem to take two and three times longer because of various reasons—namely tasks related to transportation and technology; and my brain feels like it’s often on overload with logistical Olympics. I also am very guilty of comparing my weaknesses to others’ strengths. I don’t mean to say I’m resentful or bitter; rather, just that I feel like I can’t keep up with it all sometimes. To counteract some of my negative thinking, I’m trying to focus on my blessings. So, with that, I’m going to use my blog as my platform for posting my daily doses of gratitude. Here goes.

 

Day 1: I’m thankful for kind neighbors who gave us rides to/from K’s school today so that we could enjoy her costume parade. We can walk to her school, but it takes about 20 minutes, so this is a nice luxury. I’m also grateful to these same neighbors for rides to/from our neighborhood Halloween party which was several blocks away. My Darth Vader husband appreciated not having to walk so far in his bulky, hot costume too. Bottom line, I’m just grateful for great neighbors. So many of them have become good friends of ours. We jokingly call it “our village”, but it’s true. It’s nice to be able to raise our family in that kind of environment and be able to rely on each other for help sometimes.

 

Day 2: I’m grateful for good health, the ability to walk, a durable double stroller, and very nice weather! I clocked about four miles today between taking J.J. to/from preschool (it’s about a half mile walk to his school, and I have to take him and then go back and get him after, so about 2 miles each preschool day),, and then walking to K’s school (about a mile away, so two miles round trip and 20 minutes each way to walk) for her “Race for Education” fundraiser. It ended up taking a big chunk of time since I was walking with the stroller, but we were able to get where we needed to go and do what we needed to do. I was a bit more tired than usual by the end of the day, but thankfully, we’re all a little used to these kind of big walks, though normally not all on the same day. The fall weather here has been gorgeous which also was a great blessing—not to have to walk in the rain or lug car seats with a ride because of inclement walking weather. I might have even got a bit of a sunburn! I’m also grateful to my patient little boys for whom these long walks in the stroller are not always so fun. It gives us a lot of time to chat though, sing songs, and play games as we try to pass the time.

 

Day 3: I’m grateful for this new app called Seeing AI from Microsoft. It’s a free app, but I’d totally pay for it as it’s worth it. In a nut shell, it can scan and read documents but the thing I like most is its “short text” feature. Within seconds of opening the app, I can hold my phone camera over a document and it will start reading it to me. It’s been so helpful in reading notes my kids bring home from school, mail, flyers, handouts, and homework. Last night I used it along with a magnifier app (Big Magnify) to give K her spelling test and check her homework. It was nice to be able to do it on the spot right at the kitchen table where she was working and not have to haul everything down stairs to my office to try and read it on the CCTV, or even save the pages to read when I have a reader available. I think I may end up writing an entire post dedicated to the other ways I’ve used this app and how it may be helpful to others.

 

My four-year-old son got glasses today. . It’s been a bit of an adjustment for him, but I was surprised how much of an adjustment it was going to be for me. We have our children’s vision checked starting at six months and then every year afterward just to keep tabs on it since my husband’s blindness has the potential to be genetic. That way, if we find something, we can catch it early. Then, if blindness is a concern, we can start interventions early. Otherwise, we’ve never had any real concerns about our children’s vision. At this last visit, we discovered that my four-year-old son is fairly far sided. It’s really nothing serious, in fact, it may even be something he grows out of in a few years. Otherwise, his eyes are totally healthy, including his retinas which would be the area of most concern for blindness in our situation. But still, I came away from the appointment feeling a little sad. Sad at the feeling that I’d just been told my perfect little boy was somehow not perfect anymore even though he’ll always be perfect to me. Sad that I’d somehow not picked up on this and found myself completely blindsided by the news. Sad at the prospect of ugly name calling and blows to his self-esteem from unkind peers. Sad at finding myself projecting my own struggles with blindness on his very different situation. For example, worrying that others will jump to the conclusion that this must mean he’s going blind because he has two blind parents, or even expecting him to now have a different level of empathy for us because he’s “not perfectly sighted either.” And lastly, just sad at deep down fears at the thought of one of my children becoming blind, even though this is not the case.

 

This afternoon he wore his glasses to the bus stop where we pick up my daughter from school. One of the kids told him that he didn’t like his glasses. Then, feeling bad for what he’d said when the other kids, including my daughter pointed out that this wasn’t very kind, he tried to recover by saying, “well, he’s like his mom now.” For the record, I don’t wear glasses, so I can only assume this means, he can’t see well, just like his mom can’t see. My heart broke a little more at this. I came up on the tail end of the conversation and obviously wasn’t supposed to have heard that. I decided to just leave things alone and let the kids work it out since no harm had really been done and my daughter and the other girl had corrected the boy. Even if I would have said something, I don’t know what I would have said. I know that the boy wasn’t truly trying to be mean, but it’s the implication behind it that somehow there is something wrong with me and now my son was being labeled too. Thankfully when I spoke to my children about the situation later, neither one of them remembered hearing the boy say the last comment.

 

The angry mother bear instincts inside me want to protect my children. I don’t want them to be teased or bullied about anything, especially about their parents being blind. But I know this is impossible. I know this little encounter this afternoon wasn’t the last one, or even the meanest. We try so hard on a daily basis to instill into our children an understanding that blindness doesn’t have to be this scary, tragic thing, and while I hope my children never have to deal with it first-hand, I also don’t want them to be afraid of it and resent it. I hope that one day they will get to a place that if someone says something like “don’t you fear being blind like your parents”, that their response will be one of respect and an acceptance that blindness would be a challenge, but nothing that would ruin their lives. At least that is the message we’re trying to instill in them. Who knew a cute little pair of green frames would stir up so much emotion. Thanks for listening to my woes. I now have to go try and convince my son to wear his glasses again since he’s not put them back on since coming home from the bus stop.

My children have attended a lot of birthday parties this summer. It’s a fun phase for us and I’m glad they have these opportunities to celebrate with their friends and have fun experiences. From the parent perspective, it’s added some new logistical things to my role, not to mention created a line item in the family budget. Sending your child to a birthday party is nothing new for parents though, but as a blind parent, it causes me a little anxiety sometimes. I also don’t want my children to miss out on an experience just because I can’t figure out a way to make it work because of my blindness. So, I thought I’d share some tips I’ve discovered that may be useful to others.

 

Gift Getting/Giving

I remember as a kid going to the store the day of the party to pick out a gift for my friend on my way to being dropped off. Being a non-driver, I don’t have this luxury, so I have to be more of a planner if I don’t want to spend $15 to take a round trip visit to Target just for a gift, or a thirty minute round trip walk to some place close, provided the weather is amicable to do so. . . Sometimes I can pick something up when I do my weekly grocery shopping—if I remember and am actually going in the store. I often use Walmart grocery pick up and don’t go into the store. Otherwise, here are some other strategies I discovered.

I stack a lot of errands with outings so as to avoid spending a lot on Uber/ Lyft/cab trips and to save my “friend/driver chips” for more important tasks. So usually once or twice a month I go to Target or Walmart for things other than groceries to get the miscellaneous things, including birthday gifts. . Corner drug stores are also a great resource and sometimes closer than big box stores. We live within walking distance of a Rite Aid and Walgreens, and I’ve frequently visited one of them the day before or day of to purchase a gift for a party. They have a surprisingly good selection of children’s games, toys, books, and art supplies, not to mention you can also get gift wrap, cards, and a snack to throw in. Amazon Prime Now is also a good solution if it’s available in your area. (You can get items delivered same-day within a two hour window.) Once I forgot to get a gift, so at 10 p.m. the night before a party, I ordered a “Melissa and Doug” item and had it delivered between 8-9 a.m. the next day for a party that started at 10 a.m. Just another amazing thing about Amazon.

Another idea I’m starting to try is to stock up on small gift items and gift wrap when I’m at stores like Target or the Dollar Store so that I can save some money by getting it on sale and not having to pay for a ride again just for that. This also comes in handy in a pinch like when you can’t walk to the drug store because it’s raining.

 

Getting your child to/from the Party

Okay, again, being a non-driver requires some logistical planning. We’ve been pretty lucky many times in that we know the other children attending, so I can call up and ask one of those parents to give my child and maybe myself a ride. Sometimes I haven’t even had to ask. But, we’ve also had times when our children have been invited by a classmate whom we don’t know as well or we don’t know the other families going, so I can’t do that as easily. IN these circumstances, if public transit isn’t an option, it can require up to four paid trips—to/from to drop off and later pick up. This isn’t as bad for parties where parents are included like many for young children, but when parents are generally not expected to stay, I’ve sometimes offered to stay and help out just to save myself two trips. Having hosted a few birthday parties myself, I know the help will most likely be appreciated. This would also be a great circumstance where you may want to ask a family member or close friend to drive your child as well, but I like to save those chips when I can so as not to wear out my welcome with those individuals.

Just a little note on sticking around to help…Sometimes as blind parents it can be challenging to meet other parents in large social settings like at a school event, at church, or a playgroup,, because we can’t see them to go up to them and begin a conversation, so a smaller setting like a birthday party can be a great way to interact and strike up a friendship, not to mention a great way to demonstrate your capabilities as a blind person. For example, helping to serve food, set the table, pour drinks, etc. You’ll impress them with your skills and may get a piece of cake out of the deal too—wink!